


Ethereal Epiphany

by Eden_Verona



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternative Lifestyles, Angst, Art, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eden_Verona/pseuds/Eden_Verona
Summary: Directly from the the tumblr star-wars-babes, an idea come into reality. Enjoy!“ Look at me like one of those goddesses, ready to be kissed and touched and drawn. Please, let me be a dream of the muse who captures you. “They all knew him as Kylo Ren, a sculptor who kissed the marble as he drew forms into it. People from everywhere came to see his sculptures, his women captured in the snow white stone, prisoners of art.Teaching his first class, he is infatuated by a face in the middle of a crowded room, a student known simply as Rey. But soon he would come to realize that there is so much more than to that pretty face. -Reylo AU-





	1. Ephemeral Epiphany

**Ephemeral:** adjective

  
1\. lasting a very short time; short-lived; Sorrowful:  
2\. Full of or feeling sorrow; grieved; sad.  
3\. Showing or expressing sorrow; mournful;

  
**Epiphany:** Noun

  
1\. A sudden insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple or commonplace occurrence\experience.  
2\. A literary work\ section of a work presenting a moment of revelation and insight.

_He slowly opened his eyes. It was sunny, so he covered his forehead. The large and huge field was bathed with light, the perfect paradise he usually imagined in his head. He was dreaming again about that utopia he used to fantasy when he was a foolish kid, the flowers reaching to his hips and birds flying through the endless skies._

  
_Suddenly, something, someone taped his left shoulder and he knew that his delight was about to come._

  
_Her steps were steady but nonetheless fast. Her hair, God, softly leapt each time as she run and the white dress wavered around, sometimes showing more of her well defined legs and ankles. She was magnificent. Fearless, it was as if she walked on air and bought the heavens to her feet._

  
Giggles went through the air, her giggles, and he couldn’t help but wonder how she had such power over him. He felt joy and happiness, freedom to pursue her as he never had done before in another of his dreams, to cherish. She was his angel, his wants, his dream all in one being.

  
_\- wait! - He said, loudly. - don’t go yet, wait for me!_

  
_Who is she? Why is she here? Questions kept reoccurring over his head, like once before. And yet, he still followed her, catching a glimpse of her beautiful eyes and perfect face every time she turned around to see him. Her smile was like a shooting star, shining and warming him. Like… A… A ray of sunshine!_

  
_Just a little more and…!_

  
_But as soon as he caught her waist, she was gone. As her smile had once came, it soon vanished. What had happened, he couldn’t understand._

  
_She was no longer: In his arms was a lifeless corpse of a woman, drenched in blood and water from the tears that fell from his eyes. He didn’t understand what had happened, only..._

  
_She was dead because of him, surely. He tainted every soul that came next to his. It’s his fault, he should never have touched her, not something as pure as an angel. He was sin in body and killed her._

  
_His muse was dead and couldn't ever fly to the skies ever again. The ray of sunshine was extinguished._

 

It had been another of those nights. It tormented him to see how after such a long time he still hadn't control over his sleep and kept having this sequence of terrible dreams.

  
The clock tick 4 in the morning and he couldn’t sleep after that. It had been a while since he dreamt about her, the one he used to call ‘Muse’ or his ‘inspiration’, sometimes coming into his head and vanishing like the wind. Yet, every time he laid hands on the beautiful butterfly that haunted his dreams, despair would succeed.

  
Next to his bed stand was a sketchbook he used almost every night. After waking up with dreams of this strange woman, he tried to make quick sketches of her appearance, how thin but strong her arms were or how her legs were long; how her breasts were so well proportioned and round and how her back fell into a glorious ass: He had come to be an artist because of her.

  
But somehow, it was odd how her face was blurry. Nothing made him recall how it was.

  
_Was it oval or square? Big eyes? I know she had green eyes... maybe… Freckles?_

  
Kylo was proud of himself none less. He had studied arts with the most respectable people, traveled through Italy to know how to appreciate the sculptures of Michelangelo or Bernini; He had gone to France for dramatic inspiration and paint like Delacroix… But his favorite sculptor had come to be Rodin, the marble shapes catching so much his attention he could not let go of the idealistic nature of a human: In His flaws, Rodin saw perfection.

  
And he saw himself exposed: he chose to be a sculptor.

  
Sadly, his parents never caught up with him. His childhood had been filled with flaws and sad stories one does not care about, and he hated each second of it. So he used each free hour, minute, second to worship art.

  
Marbles would become goddesses in his fingers, touched by the talent of a young confused boy. They were seen from afar by people who tried to claim them, wanting to possess the beauty of art. But none had it. He didn’t allow it.

  
Museums and schools exposed the art to everyone, from rich to poor, and by his twenties, he was already recognized as a patriot of arts in the world.  
These days, he ended in a small town near a river, the antique city calling to his soul.

  
Some weeks prior, Kylo had a peculiar suggestion by a critic how he should try and start teaching some students from time to time. Strangely, it hadn’t been the first time that someone advised to teach someone, and now, at the age of thirty, he was making the ends meet.

  
Sometimes, he thought hard on the subject and if it was really ‘his thing’. Perhaps, some part of his own personality would collide with the majority of extroverts of his pupils, other times find relief on introverts. However the case, nothing made him change his mind that university would be his pick and by this year’s last season, he received the so waited news: he was to teach on this city in a public school to a class of 30 students of plastic arts. His subject? Sculpture, but of course.  
As he walked through the city, he saw something he had never found in the places he visited: A home, a place to belong. The streets were not that small, made mainly of stone, and the houses were mostly old, recovered and restored. It had everything in a way, stores scattered here and there. And that’s when he found his perfect store.

  
It as a small place in a row of old buildings next to each other. At first sight, it a really small place, a classic nineteenth century décor store. But after walking in, it suddenly became huge, filled with every single vital object to arts. The balcony was from side to side and an old man was attending in.

  
Turning to the older man to ask for a new sketchbook, he is violently shoved by a girl, spinning to him so surprised that her face turns somehow blank. She is small, dark haired and with the most beautiful hazel eyes, the ones that trap you and make it hard to leave. A quick assumption crosses his mind when he thinks how pretty her features would be in marble. And, after a few moments of absorbing and looking at her, he hears her small but strong voice:

  
_\- Shit!_

  
This time, he came to his senses and saw his coat all red: she had just spilled a whole can of paint on him and it certainly fit him well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take in consideration that this is not my main language and is also the first time i really get serious about a fanfic! If you have any sugestion, critic or reply to what i can improve in the future, i'd like to hear it. I want to make this journey as pleasant to everyone as i can. (:  
> I also don't know when i can post since i still have school and exams, please be patient!  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Penumbra

**Penumbra:** noun

  1. Astronomy.
  2. A shadowy, indefinite, or marginal area.



 

Her face was pale and so was his. Running to get some tissues, she hurriedly tried to take the most of paint of his coat, shirt and pants. And, when her small hands got next to his crotch area, his voice made her tremble:

-Stop, it’s enough! – his expression came more rough than what he expected and when he saw how she got her head up in distress, part of him regretted to have spoken at all.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t see you. Let me just-

-Look, its fine. I should’ve seen where I was going and didn’t. – He tried to smile. Kindly and gently, he took the used papers off her hands, which were surprisingly warm considering it was cold and it was autumn.

 

He took off his coat and cleaned some more with the previous used tissues that were in her hands. It’s not as if with his money he couldn’t afford more coats like this. In fact he could have as much as he wished to, but this somehow had become his favorite in this season. And, as best as he could, he tried not to be mad at the fact that it had been ruined for a girl that, apparently, worked at the art’s shop.

-I’m sorry, I’ll pay for the dry cleaning. – She replied. Then, meaningfully, he thought that it would be too much for her probably-almost-non-existent-salary to ever try to pay. Kylo regretted his thought right away, bitterly criticizing himself in his head.

 

Yet, for the first time, the girl clearly looked at him.

Rey had seen other pretty boys before. In her university, there were plenty of them to look at, and more interesting than anything, they were all artists, they all understood each other. Somehow, they say that artists should never love each other, they are bound to meet doom: If one goes for classic, other goes for modern. In between, there is always this undeniable challenge to know which is better and which is not, killing the so pure emotion called of love. She had experienced this once, not all together so profound, and yet did end in a pit where only the miserable lay. It was enough to understand she did not want it again.

This man, on the other hand, was out of this world. He had an odd charm, not that he was that beautiful, because he wasn’t. Nonetheless, he was so captivating she could not deny the first attraction she had and stare at his face and body for some seconds. Not only that, when she felt his fingers brush against hers and tried to get the papers out of her hand, a shock went through her. Did they already met? Did they know each other from anywhere? She didn’t knew, but certainly she couldn’t shake the feeling she did.

-There’s no need, really. It was an accident. – Kylo answered.

The girl was still alarmed, but calmer. She seemed quite fixed on his face, Kylo thought for a moment, and tried to put his thoughts from earlier at bay. No one should ever have to deal with a half-mad and very enchanted man for so long.

After a while, he returned to what he was going to do in the first place: ask for a sketchbook. When seeing that the girl worked there as an helper, he took a note inside of his head to come more often and maybe ask (and of course trying not be too imposing or intruding), that the girl, whoever she was, could introduce him to this city and have some future reference places. Even though she had a somewhat clumsy side to her, besides her pretty face, it made her look more adorable.

_What are you thinking on? Adorable, really?_

In the end, she made sure to give him the sketchbook for free and some other art supplies, like pencils and erasers, apologizing once more.

_Pretty face…_

Coming out the door of the store, not saying much more and thinking how he is dumb for seeking a girl like that would be too stupid, he tried to make something out of the coat. Maybe he would dry clean it, it was one of his favorites after all. Martha, his housekeeper, would handle it.

He took another walk next to the river and decided to go home, it was winter and soon would be dark. Besides, he felt tired after not sleeping that well.

Reaching home, he laid the new sketchbook next to the things he would need to the class he would give. Everything was ready but he didn’t felt likewise.

Pouring a strange liquid he had among the bottles he kept at his flat, he tried to focus on what he had seen the night before and how the nightmares have returned a week ago.

The only reason he could think on was stress. The new change in his life probably had bought this to him once more to the point where he begged on his knees for some good hours of sleep. Part of him liked the part of his brain that made connections and created his art. It was where he got inspiration from, like Dali, and he was glad he had them. But the other wished his life was a little more normal than what really is.

Normal or not, he had been lucky enough to get to someone who sponsored him. Commonly known as Snoke, he provided a lot for Kylo to live more than well besides his revenue. And, living among such riches, he soon found no pleasure in living at all.

What was his life about, really? What was his will to live besides art? None. And, depressing into a corner, he would pick up his tools and sculpt the stone away. He felt like a shadow clinging into the light: Every bit of happiness could grasp, he would take and claim as his own, even if it had to be made with force.

This is what he did. This is what he was taught himself to do, to stick to the self-pitying being he was and try to give the best of himself to the world even though he was rejected and dejected over and over again by it. All of what he is, all of what he was, wasn’t his anymore.

Laying the cup down and picking on the sketchbook that laid on his bed stand, he looked through the pictures he drew earlier on among others of an unknown body. It was a woman so perfect and fine none could ever compare to the beauty of it.

From the veins of her hands he once had touched, to the pink of her cheeks: he reminded it all. And even if he tried to forget, he could not: he had it burnt in his brain.

Soon he fell asleep, unknowingly, drunk on the thought of seeing her again. Indeed, he had the worst best luck no man wished to have. But as long as he lived in the penumbra, no one could catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, Adam Driver's Birthday was on 19th already but I made efforts and wrote a new chapter to be delivered as soon as possible! Happy Birthday to the amazing actor who brought Kylo to life!  
> Also, I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Thank you for reading!


	3. Sweven

**sweven:** Noun, Archaic.

  1. A vision; dream.



 

_He looked desperate. Too desperate. – Please, please I beg you, don’t go!_

_Rey had finally stopped. Turning around to see him on his knees, she saw him almost crawling, throwing his fits on the ground and grabbing the sand as if it was his only safety assurance.  What she had seen was not supposed to be seen, but she had. She had! She had to… get away. From this place, this darkness which consumed her soul, from this_ man _who tried to possess her existence and claim it as his own._  
She felt as if her life was being pulled apart and thorn into small pieces scattered everywhere to everyone to see; she sensed her existence was nothing, even complete. Nothing… Nothing but sad and alone as she had been all her life.   
Who would miss her if she surrounded herself to him? Would there be any more pain than what she had? Was death even painful? Die? What did it meant to die?

_She didn’t understand herself nor him. But then again, she felt._

_Getting near him, she caressed his hand, now covered in blood and small stones carved into the flesh._

_\- This is not the end. This… - she said, picking his hand – my... – And, kissing his knuckles, Rey felt as if she had been caressed by a celestial passion. As gods were on heaven and humans on earth, her downfall had been greater than the devil’s himself._

_The flowers which once surrounded her had become withered and the field was inexistent._

_But what about him? Where… disappeared?_

_\- Rey… - a long, soft whisper echoed around her ear – Rey… don’t go._

_What had they done? What… had she done…?_

Suffocating, Rey wakes up in a frantic state. Again, she woke up all wet from the sweat that carried her body, exhausted.  
Tired, she pulls her hair into a bun and swallows a gulp of the water that was in her bed stand. These. Again. With him, with the man that haunted her dreams since she was but a child. Why had they returned weeks ago, she had no clue? Then again it was hard to forget about them when everything she ever did was dream about as a nameless man. Who was he?

It wasn’t as if she recalled his face from her dreams, but she knew that if she ever felt his presence she’d known him anywhere. It was as if she had this gutting feeling of recognition without her real senses, no touching, no seeing, and no hearing. She simply… Discerned. And then, _that_ happened.

She had been working a few hours before when he arrived. A few moments before getting courage to get in, something snapped at her, something inside her which made her fall right into him. And, without further notice, claimed every muscle in her body, clenching, hurting, beating. A whole can of paint had fell right into his clothes and she blamed herself for letting her own emotions get the better off her. Did she knew him?

Probably. No. She knew who he was, but did not care to admit at first glance.

Once so many apologetic words were spoken, Rey dared to give a few peeks to his face.

_So that’s how he looks, a pretty man._

And, few seconds after, she was trapped. What a man, so tall and so strong looking… captivating.

Then, their fingers brushed and glorious heavens, how sweet did it felt to be touched by his long, rough fingers. He was definitely an artist, the round tips of his nails cared but small, his right ring finger somewhat tortured by the harsh lines of pencils. She’d recognize those types of hands anywhere.

His own reaction bought her to expectations which were not settled in the end, keeping inside her mind if he too did feel what she had felt before he even came in. Did he knew, did he felt this anxiousness too?

However, nothing came of it. Sadly, she offered some more stuff around, which along with the paint, would be discounted from her salary. Nothing was given to her other than stares and some harsh words here and there.

Reaching home, she wondered how her fate has been cruel to her: always to correspond to others expectations, she had nothing but a corner to what she called flat. It was very small and dusty, yes, but she had archived it and had it by her own means.

Even if it was small, even if it was terrible… She was so proud of it as if it was bathed in gold. But the walls were not gold, nor was the floor. It was wood and antique scraped paper, worn out by the real age of the building. Her kitchen was compiled with her bedroom and could not, ever, be called of that; for right after the bed was the small fridge and after the stove was the bed stand. But she had her great things too, and one was the table in the middle of the flat where her current project was.

After a long time of sleeping, her nightmares came and made her reality currently harsh.

Night was her best friend, the illusion of the greater scenery mixed with her own doubts. This was the time she became more inspired, the light dim and soft, covering only the bust of a man that, until today, she could not perceive.

It was fun to think that only a few words of expressing regret and forgiveness had truly been spoken, but she felt so much more had been said. Then, after a few moments of recalling all, she got motivated. 

Picking her tools, some spatulas and other too-used utensils, she carved and added more to the piece of paper-mache in the center of the desk. The neck was long, the jaw was sharp; the hair severe, the ears long. Soon, the too-cheap glue was dry and her hands covered in a mess: she adored it all.

The sun started to rise as soon as she finished his eyes. They were the best part of his face, she thought, where honesty and care faded into all the eternity. And, the lips where she drop her fingers to smooth, were the warmest.

A statue, her favorite, had come to life.

In the intervening time, Kylo did not sleep either. In his phone, he played Madame Butterfly and listened to it all in the calmest manner while smoking a cigar, which at the moment rested in the ashtray. He seated himself on the middle of his work room, the sun bathing the curtains which were almost closed. He did not like the light at all, the brightness hurting his eyes as nothing he had ever seen.

But then again, those small rays of sunshine craved for the view of the room, the pale marble becoming illuminated in some areas. Her chest had become the most adored extent and, as if the cold really touched her, her nipples became hard.

He had become insane, senseless, desiring the woman he had spent the last days sculpting away.   
Leading his cigar to his mouth and taking a sip of the smoke, he franticly let the air run from his lips only to fly innocently. And, without shame, kissed the lips which showed no protest or pleas not to be kissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!  
> Just here to deliver another update and warning that my tests are coming soon and might not be able to write so soon!  
> Thank you sooo much for reading, love you all!


	4. Efflorescence

**Efflorescence:** noun

  1. The state or a period of flowering.
  2. An example or result of growth and development
  3. Chemistry. The act or process of efflorescing.



 

He flinched with the papers on his hand, nervously. Was he going to be good enough? It wasn’t too late to give up... was it?

He felt his legs wave and found his desk chair uncomfortable but reasonable as he hadn’t nothing left to lean on.

The bell rang and he became stone. _Shit._ It was about to start and he felt like a fish out of water. Nothing came more to his mind than how to make a good first impression and hopefully to go better than his actual school years.

He never had been the popular guy at his school. For the contrary.... he had been picked on because he wasn’t like the others, because he had intellectual and not the "force". His mother and father weren’t too apologists of his style in doing things and as soon as they got mad at each other never to see ever again, he got his prompt and left home.

He must have been around 20 when Lord Snoke, a far offspring to an unknown lord of some-kind-of-shit, took him in and made him one of his students. Along there were others, one girl whom he called Phasma and another boy, Hux. None of them knew his real name nor did he knew theirs but they all knew they had something in common and that was art. As time went by, he felt like he had brothers and was no longer alone: such pleasant emotion, maybe it was too much for a creature like him?

A laugh catch him attention and brought him back to the real world. The room had been filled and each student had took some papers off. Right. Introduction time.

Raising himself of that excuse of a chair, he cleared his throat and looked at all the students for some time.

  - Good morning everyone. I’m...Kylo. Kylo Ren and will be your new sculpting teacher.

Near him were pupils and their boards with blank paper ready to be filled.

He had chosen a statue that had been in the school's storage, full of filth and dust, being taken away for so long.

A pretty face, it was; a bust made by some other student that left his own creativity to a university that had no manners. It probably had some other sad story, maybe the face of his own muse, the woman he loved. But it didn’t made a big deal: now it was time for it to have a greater story.

Kylo made hands movements as he asked kindly to move more forward and closer to the statue.

Standing out of the circle that surrounded her, he asked to his apprentices to admire it and to sketch her as they've seen her, as if she were a real human.

Then he noticed a familiar face amongst all. She had been at the store before, he knew that too well; He hadn’t noticed her at first, hiding like a bird on his own tree. But she did not hid, she was just… in a distant place not to be seen by everyone… Just like he did in his own time, hiding away from everyone and from the teachers who tried to make him more outgoing.

She was the same girl that had given him the sketchbook that he was using now, the same that trembled as her fingers tried to grab the tissues to clean his coat, the same that dropped the can of paint over him: The girl with the emerald eyes. She was the goddess, the inspiration if his own statue and the one he had dared to-

 _“What the actual fuck_?”, Ren thought.

He hadn’t committed a crime, he had yet to know her. But he thought that by making her own resemblance, taking his time and space and tasting her marble lips had been a sin.

In his own turn, this time around he blushed and, almost feeling a sweet shame, softly looked down. It had been foolish of him to ever think on such small pleasures out of her, even when he still did not know anything about her nor her about him. And now, most of times, a student none the less!

He tried to lay the subject, as much as it cost him, on the back of his mind for later, when he was alone in his own flat and certain of himself. Now he had to deal with not only her, but his other pupils as well.

Focusing on his class, Kylo noticed how each student had a different perspective of the statue. Even though ones had a profile exposure or others a straight insight, it was adorable to see how each and single one of them had their own tics and ways to do their art, some picking the pencil way too heavily, others too lightly. Girls gave her a feminine outlook and boys gave her a natural and more erotic disclosure. None the less, Kylo was so pleased he smiled from time to time as he saw the progress come as time passed.

He had planned to make of this a test, to see how the skills of his students were currently. Along with another that would come later on to be on the stone, he had to say they were pretty good and was delighted with the results.

Flying from seat to seat, it soon became clear that hers would soon approach and Kylo felt his heart rush, strangely, when it came to her turn.

He had to see it, the way she drew. Even though he had before said he’d pick the subject later, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, not really. And the courage he managed to gather to see it had been enormous, filled by the curiosity that ate his humanity away.

He never thought she could become one of his students, especially after seeing her working on a store. But then again, it wasn’t unusual for girls and boys her age to work to pay the fees (most of them so expensive they nearly had to sell their own souls to the devil to make it).

She hid well her head, or tried to, in her sketch. Hers had been almost profile job, the nose of the statue becoming his favorite feature amongst all.

“I’ll be damned.”, Kylo whispered to himself. She had perfect lines, not too overdone, not too clear either. It was if she had been doing this for a lifetime. She was equal to him, no better even! ; And he realized that maybe he had nothing to offer, nothing to teach to her. But he wanted it. He wanted to teach her so many things as better as he could! He could show her the ways of a true artist!

\- You- he said and, before even knowing this word had slipped of his own mouth, he cleared his throat and talked more slowly, correcting himself- what is your name?

Kylo tried to look as calm as he could. But could he, ever? In front of her?

Blushing a little and firstly with her head down, she rose it few seconds after taking a reassuring position.

  - Rey.

  - Rey...

  She nodded, kind of ashamed, and he reminded himself how she perhaps still felt ashamed after what had happened with the paint.

Kylo, however, liked how her own name swirled in his tongue, and payed no attention to it.

In fact, he couldn’t stop remembering those slight rays of sunshine beaming his own sculpture, even though his own being battled with himself over recalling that this was not the space and time to evoke such. But his stronger will was another, and conflicted.

For brief seconds, Ren wondered how she would be illuminated by the sun as the statue had been, how her breasts would have been so fine after being bathed by gold.

He had found a pretty face, a real goddess, and nothing seemed to matter anymore. Did it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im still at the stu(die)ing time, so bear with me and my release dates!  
> Also, can you see the ''play'' words i used about the force? :3 hahaha, just a little thing i did for fun!  
> Thank you so much for reading, i hope i can update soon!
> 
> ps:If you feel interested to know, i am basing myself on my own city's art's university and city itself. You may seem suprised, but it all exists.  
> Now it is me who takes my cue and leaves. See you in the next update and, once again, thank you!


	5. Nemesis

**Nemesis:** noun

  1. Something that a person cannot conquer, attain.
  2. An opponent or rival whom a person cannot best.
  3. Classical Mythology. The goddess of divine retribution.
  4. Act of retribution or punishment.



 

_“Oh shit oh shit oh shit”_

She could’ve recognized his face anywhere, especially after that adorable-encounter she had had before. Certainly, the best way to meet someone is to drop a can of pain in them, right?

Rey could not believe in her own fortune. Not only the guy who she dreamt about was her teacher, _THE GUY WHO SHE DREAMT ABOUT WAS HER TEACHER!_

_“Ohhhh I am so fucked. I’m out. This is it, say goodbye to your new whole amazing year Rey. Well, it doesn’t matter, you are not going to get out of that trashy job at Unkar plutt’s anyways, are you miss?”_

For the worse, or for the better of her and him, she chose the farthest place she could to seat herself and do the required job that was requested by him.

She had seen that one statue before. In fact, she even saw it made. Her oldest teacher, the one that had even taught her to sculpt, had left it unfinished in the university’s cellar after dying. Poor sir, he had lost his wife weeks prior and could not make it. Rumors were he had taken his own life, but if it was what happened she is not sure.

Rey had a very peculiar feeling about death. It did not bother her like did the others, surrounded by fear or distress. She had faced death many times in her life to be frightened of it and, in the most exquisite way, she thought of it as a friend. Death is the most peaceful and happy moment one could have. And to die in tragedy is to end in glory.

So after his death, Rey kept practicing and now, to know that the bust of a dead woman lies as a last reminder of the school’s Romeo and Juliet, she felt peaceful.

Rey was in her own world when her teacher came next to her and asked for her name. She wasn’t certain, but it was as if she could guess that he had been staring at her and her sketch for a while now. Without doubt, it felt unpleasant to be with your guard down at such moment.

\- Rey - She had tried her best to look unsurprised. However, it had come quite another story. Besides, he was her teacher now and to thing in things that she shouldn’t was not her principal life objective.

\- Rey… - he repeated after her.

“ _Do not think… do_ not _think!_ ”

Impossible. She had already begun thinking on it. Of how his voice sounded spelling her name, of how he looked at the ground and into her eyes after trying to erase his awkward smile that rose from his lips, of how he had… Too late: He was the music that she sang over and over in her head, melodic, tragic.

It did not take long for the bell to ring and start the break time. Rey begun to pack her things as fast as she arrived and went out as soon as she could. Kylo did not have the chance to comment her work and, collecting his stuff also, he left the room without looking back not minding the sculpture in the middle of the messy tables. Someone, certainly, would take her to the place she had been before…

His first class had been a passive one and he was glad to know that maybe his teaching life would come to be a fun and more diverse than he thought. Perhaps it would be better than his own years, who knew?

On the other hand, one thing Kylo still did not do, and would not do, was the socialization part. He preferred to investigate the garden than to be in the teacher’s room waiting for his new class, sipping a too old and smelly coffee no one really wanted to taste. ( _That or the tea made by Miss Robinson, which everyone remarked did not look good at all with the too brownish color it had_.)

Amazingly, the university had a long garden next to the buildings themselves. Some sculpture and a water pound could be seen in the middle, next to some trees and flowers and seats. It was large enough to have people scattered around freely, sketching, drawing, drinking the cold air that passed through their bodies as a blade.

Sitting himself on one bench and table, he took out of his satchel a sketchbook, the one he had been given by Rey, and his pencil case, wishing to draw her. It was if a spell had happened to be cast on him, her sole purpose of existence to become a torment to his being.

The wind blew softly through his hair, some clouds taking over the sky and making it grey. He liked when the weather stayed like this, quiet but not truly. It was a raw darkness that he linked to his body and mind, maybe because it had been too many days he felt alone. In some way, this quietness resembled his own tragedy, when people despised the quietness of a grey day, forgetting that inside the clouds was a rebellion of particles deciding to make rain. And, like this, Kylo felt as if paradise had come to earth, the Garden of Eden come true in a small place where art and Eve came together…

As the wind caressed his hair, it also did hers, flowing and laying the strings far from her face; it was amazing how it stroked her face and made it perfect. Her eyes were closed, her lips partly open which moved softly with each breath and her cheeks were astoundingly red. She was facing him unconsciously from the other side of the garden against a tree, thinking on how he made her feel strange. What had happened? They both didn’t understand. But fate had been against their own will and made them draw each other.

Almost as if involuntarily, without noticing what he actually meant to draw, Kylo picked the first pencil that came to his hand and started sketching her, her pose against the tree, her rosy face, her arms that laid on her lap and her chest, that oscillated with each breath. He did not knew how this had come to his mind, but it was as if a vision had occurred: He did not knew she was exactly as he had sketched her.

He wanted something he could not touch or even look at; a sweet pleasure most were not so fortunate to feel in their lifetime.

 That painful feeling was strangely shared but not spoken off.

Rey had her own reasons and felt a sting in her heart that she could not control. She sensed the need to leave everything behind, to look for another school or dedicate herself to her job. She thought that running away would be the most plausible option but Rey herself did not run from things.

It was consuming how she wanted to do art, how she wanted to sculp. And when she had done him, sketch him and caressed him in her own mind, it had become too unbearable to not do it again, secretly wishing for it to happen in real life.

An artist always felt things too strongly or none at all. And Rey knew this too well because he had become a thing, a need in her world before she even knew anything about affection. Was it love? No. Passion, that overflowing hunger that rushes through your veins when you want to cry out how much you want, how much you must have.

That was also how he felt when he was too captivated by her being, when he couldn’t stop looking at her figure. And to lie to themselves, not saying how much one wanted was to die a thousand deaths, ask for air when drowning.

“ _How perfect are our lies made of glass, ready to be smashed. Is it fun to play around with fire? You play with me, who pretends to care about nothing. But darling, I am much more._ “

Kylo thought.

_“Let us fall apart in our lies then.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you are enjoying this adventure with me, this fanfict is really making me write more and to a point i never knew i could.Thank you so much for reading and i hope i can have your feedback on it soon. Once again, thank you!


	6. Alexithymia

**Alexithymia:** noun

  1. Difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses.
  2. Inability to express emotions verbally.



There was a certain desire to kiss the lips of a girl who he did not know nothing about, maybe because he did not felt troubled by her baggage. No. Not hers. His.

Then again the one he would be kissing was the woman herself, her lips on his and her hands wrapped in his scalp. If his own depravities had come up with him, she would never recognize them. And to be nameless is to be free.

The pencil Kylo had been holding soon found not only her face but her firm breasts as well, the roundness of them contrasting with the slim waist and strong legs. Rey had a beautiful shape and high, perfect. And he did not deny it was amazing to think of them, but at the same time it felt too wrong.

The day was almost over when Kylo noticed some drops falling out from the sky. His workbook had become filled from small to big sketches from his student and suddenly he realized what big trouble he was in.

Kylo knew about the policies that the university had about the relationships between students and teachers. The rules were not pretty, though much understandable. With a minor failing, with her for example seeing his sketchbook, she could process him for harassment and make his career a failure. Not only his teaching life would be over, his sculpting life would turn to zero. What would Snoke say about a thing like this, after all the work he had done for him?

Certainly he could not know. Nor him nor his brother and sister, the fear of resentment so big that teared him apart. He had to be strong. He couldn’t succumb to the desires of the flesh, he so ironically theorized.

Packing his belongings and picking his umbrella that laid at the end of the bag, Kylo made sure not to wet all his work done prior. It might have sounded too unmanly, he thought, but he wanted to keep them as if they were a precious gift. It made no sense how he was so attracted to a girl like her, but he was.

He made sure everything was all inside of his bag, except a small piece of paper that probably would become his new wallet picture. Like a teenager girl in love, he felt ridiculous at the thought to like someone without even knowing her, though in his mind he always labeled it as a crush.

Kylo never had had something like this in his life.

He did have his first kiss, and the first fuck but none compared to this. His first kiss had been with another girl at the age of 12, the girl terrible at her own business. He tried to understand why everybody was doing it but couldn’t find the charm they all seemed to talk about. At 17, he held in his arms a girl older than him. It felt so good to see the shape of her body balancing herself in him, the way she posed on top and lifted her chin up… She had that astonishing feature of having white skin and it was if the marble had come to life. It had been pleasurable, yes, but it was more captivating to see her move than the sex itself.

Foiling it into a four, he pocked it right away and opened his umbrella.

Kylo was about to go to the school grounds until he heard a voice from the other side of the garden. In fear, he made sure to check that the evidence was inside the bag and see if the person was close enough to have seen what he was doing.

Again, someone sneezing.

He rushed up to meet the person in cause. Did they hide? No, they couldn’t have seen him drawing. But who? Kylo’s curiosity took over him suddenly, as if possessed. He was not himself since the first encounter he had with Rey, he was sure, but this felt too much. However he understood everything, even his own rush when he only to saw her, Rey. She was all wet from the pour that had just begun, her arms around herself and her bag on her shoulder. She looked startled, _especially after seeing the man of the disaster in front of her_ , he thought. But he was pleased to know that the odds carried him against her, presenting her presence whenever he went.

Her hair was dripping along with her T-shirt, the buns she usually whore all gone. Her clothes were wrapping around the slim and curvy body of hers and, _oh god_ , the slightest trim of her bra and traces of her belly were so visible he swallowed hard.

_“Maybe that’s how she looks after a shower?”_

How could something so natural, like getting wet from rain, be so torturous to him, right after thinking to leave everything behind, after he chose to look away from her face?

Fate was not in favor of him, nor her. Rey had taken the break time to think about the distress she was in and to clear her head until that same fate had bought the rain and him.

But heavens, he was such an appealing man. Wearing a long dark trench coat and a turtle neck, he had bought his classic Derbies which matched with his black tight jeans. She begged to God not to flush in front of him, not after staring like a crazy woman at his body and the way he was dressed. He could have sensed it all, even from the first time and it was or would be her end.

Then again she could not help it. His face and his small locks of hair were also wet, gluing to his face like a frame. However, nothing as powerful as his eyes, dark and wanting, which made her almost impossible to move, as if a force stronger than her, made her conserve her standing position.

It never occurred to him not to stay where he was and notice something else, get shelter perhaps from the rain. No, he rushed his own feet to where she stood, drenched from the cursed weather, and shelter her from the rain that crippled so bad. He even forgot his own bag with his own stuff from getting wet, never realizing that it was off the umbrella spam. But nothing really mattered, she was his own priority and if not this then…

When he first approached her, she opened slightly her mouth further, as if an invitation had been made.  If he wanted, he could have had her right here and now, but somehow he managed to get his will together and not receive a slap of the girl he fancied.

\- You… - He started- You… do not… have classes? – He stumbled with his feet and hided the hint of pink that rushed through his face.

\- Not at the moment, no… - Rey had more balls than him, apparently. Her voice sounded steadier than she could have ever thought of and Kylo felt each word with such impact he could have sworn to hear not a lady but a soldier.

Kylo nodded and faced her again after making an effort. This was the time where he realized she was so small next to him and found it extremely cute. Maybe his whole hand could smooth her face and stroke her neck softly, his lips biting her sensitive ear.

\- Thank you. – Her voice had interrupted his thoughts and he felt thankful as well. An astray tongue run through her lips nervously and he wished it was his for instants. – For… lending a spot in your umbrella…

\- No need thanking, I… - Kylo coughed and re arranged his voice to sound more profound and confident.

– He handed her the umbrella. – take this. And take care, don’t catch a cold.

Like a baby, Kylo run through the rain and his bag in his head. Rey was about to protest when he fled but nothing was to be done, he had gotten away faster than her words had come to her own mouth.

_“Take this and take care?”_

Rey smiled to herself and thought how cute he was for instants. Sometimes, he seemed off and frightening but his on embarrassment and gentleness made him more adorable than startling.

It was when she had almost given a first step that she noticed a note on the floor, a piece of paper cropped into some foils. She, evidently, knew it was her teacher’s and picked it up, recalling that sadly she had nothing dry to clean most of the water.

It was too much curiosity to bear, she knew. And by unwrapping it, she might be in a much deeper trouble than what she was now. But something in her mind said to do it, as if she was already expecting the worst and after receiving pity from him with his umbrella included.

Bam. It’s as if her heart had been smashed into little pieces when hitting the floor. There, she saw a mirror image of her, sketched and scribbled away with some poor drops of wet here and here. It was clear as day that that was her hair, as she was the only one who wore it that way. And those were her eyes… It _was_ her!

Her heart found himself beating more than it should, as if she had run for miles. Rey did not feel strange. She only felt that if someday she could be as beautiful as those pictures, she was sure he would like her as much as she already liked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This might be the only update before xmas so i hope you have nice hollidays! Also made this chapter a bit long! Hope you enjoy, thank you for reading and as always staying with me! ^^


	7. Illicit

** **

**Illicit:** adjective

  1. Not legally permitted or authorized; unlicensed; unlawful.
  2. Disapproved of or not permitted for _moral_ or _ethical_ reasons.



Classes had turn up great, the rain passed smoothly over the course of the morning replacing a sun so hot Kylo was sure to get the flu. He was not accustom to this weather, but he did not care a thing in this world about it. His afternoon would be, after all, painless since he had no more classes to take and only needed to review some works at home.

Rey did not see him again and didn’t knew how to return his umbrella if not their next class. However, she thought how it would look so suspicious to have it in her procession she didn’t knew what kind of thing to do… Maybe, along with a note, she would leave it in her seat for her teacher to pick with a thank you written. Or perhaps some other sketch as if a change had been made…

Finding no solution more plausible, she went home, the small flat being a cozy place after the cold rain.

Surely, she wouldn’t dare to compare her own skills to her teacher, never. But to have something hers in his possession made her contemplate that he would have her more often in his thoughts than now, like she did with his.

Probably her professor did not knew his sketch had been with her all along too and, as if keeping a secret of her own, she made a spot for it on her fridge. She felt kind of sad not having a cupboard to pin it, but remembered she could have less than now if not for…

No. She wouldn’t think on it again. Her past was her past and someday, maybe him, would accept it. She had done everything in her power to survive, to live in this filthy world with nothing to embrace her… He would know, he would because no man that sculpted so beautifully could ever have a normal life. Every artist has a pain in his soul that he cannot shake and he would be no different.

That and the fact that he did sketch her made her hope, even for a little.

Taking a hot bath, she wondered how they both would look together, even for a small minute, with him so tall and strong next to her small figure.

Ren searched his pockets over and over again.

‘’ _Where is it!? Where the fuck is it, goddamn!_ ’’

Kylo could not find the foiled paper from earlier and panicked.

Running his hands through his hair, he dropped the contents of his bag and coat to the floor. He recalled how he meticulously had packed his stuff in his bag but that drawing had been in his pocket all along… Certainly, it hadn’t fallen when…?

_‘’ SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT ’’_

Maybe it had been destiny all along. To be a teacher was not in his path and everything he had worked on previously, everything, had been shattered away just because of his passions. _Shit!_ Never in his life had he been so pissed and angry at himself over such a trivial thing. But nothing was trivial, was it?

Looking at the statue he made previously, he violently smashed it against the granite floor, over and over and over again. Her face had become devastated, pieces of marble flying everywhere. He felt good for a moment, glorious of his actions after smashing some of the evidences. But then, after a few moments of recollection and after his face was no longer red with hot desire of killing, he regretted every single bit of his own madness.

What had he done? His own precious work, her face, ruined into pieces of nothing, no art, no beauty. It was gone.

He did pick some of the fragments as if trying to piece together again. But he found nothing would make her look as she was before. Maybe that’s what he was, a furious bastard with nothing but anger inside of him to give. That was what was going to happen if he ever touched her, or as in his dreams, had her… Her beauty destroyed by a monster who can’t take his own feelings…

He couldn’t help the tears that formed in his eyes, could he… Kylo had been alone for so long that maybe it was too late for salvation, too late for love, too late for anything at all. She was too much and to see her slip through his own fingers seemed so terrible he could not help fighting against his own tears. But he had to be strong. He had.

Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad. Maybe the rain had destroyed everything and he would be safe, who knew? But he knew this time that it wasn’t the time nor place to be playing with love. He had to get away.

Leaving everything behind, he cleared his throat and the water on his face only to pick up another coat and go for a walk, going for no place at all. He had this indisputable nature, where if he felt he’d went straight ahead. But if he ever was uncertain of his way, he wouldn’t dare to walk a footstep.

It was indeed in his own steps that he found nature and how it had been made to cooperate with humans, no longer wild. Kylo gave a small ironic smile, looking at art from both perspectives. What had been more artistic, the way men made things or the way nature made men? The way he made her, or the way her nature was? And that’s when he decided it was the time to go to the sea.

He walked for more time, the sand wiggling in his feet and the earth getting hold of him. It was time for deciding what to do and he knew, after his own reaction earlier, that this could not do, he could not approach her as he wanted so much. It would violate his principles and those of his school, to make her pure soul tainted. If only she saw his true nature he was sure she would never look upon him with those amazing eyes of hers. And that was too much for him to bear.

The sunset came. Some music drifted in the air, a band playing some sad music and a couple dancing the tango.  
Maybe it was the song, maybe it was the way the man and woman danced. Perhaps it was even the sun, but with no ground to catch him, his face soon became wet with the tears he shed, only having the sand as his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my present to you all who have been supporting me from the begining, adding some fanart i made myself for it. Marry x-mas to you all and enjoy!


	8. Acquiesce

**Acquiesce:** verb

  1. To assent tacitly; submit or comply silently or without protest; agree; consent:



 

It’s known, through the ages of history, that great men had been in many fights but none shall ever compare to the one of the courting of a lady.

Those who are victorious enough tend to show the colossal act with pampers, such as poetry, painting and music, showing their queens the best of themselves to conquer the unknown mystery of a woman’s mind.

On the other side, those who fail and face tragedy are despised and pitied, only to know depression and sadness as their friend.

Such matter considerably happens, since behind a great man is a greater woman, one who protects and wilds her family as herself, a wish of want unselfishingly pure. Care is a burden all take, but only some wear it with passion, pridefully.

It is also said that a woman who has too much passion carried in her blood will soon perish and drive her household to ashes. Such statement must be proven deeply untrue for a woman is nothing but a being of utmost passion.

Rey too had much passion in her, sometimes taken as a virtue, others as a fault. It has been maybe careless not hide it at times… Perchance that had been the reason why she was left with a monster when she was smaller… however, that had been how she had managed since young in the streets.

When alone, she often dreamt of paradise as a lost promise, aspiring to be much more than what she was really destined to face. And in this she found something greater than a promise or paradise itself.

In facing life alone, she learnt the gracefulness of doubt and the amazing prospect that self-caring proposed. Both had come to be her best friends; Trust had become an imaginary goal, too precious to be given away as freely as she once did.

When on her own at night, she wondered what her real faults might have been to be left as a child. Certainly one does not care for the foolishness of a kid once they grow up to be a proper person, being a man or a woman just the same. No beauty should ever compare to the amazing feeling someone carries once they see their own child grow; to embrace them in their arms once they awake, to the marvelous discovery of them being stronger or taller than their own.

But some people are not like that, Rey had once been told. Some do not care to see the beauty of the world. That some do not have the time or that some feel too much of a burden to carry.

Either way, it did not change her situation and she had come to terms with it and stopped asking questions. Acceptance made her simple and more honest.

In the end she would be alone and alone would be her.

This was what she assumed. Then Ren appeared. Of course her world was upside down. The dreams she once carried in her heart and fought so deeply for had come to become side quests and new ones raised, from her being the woman of his dreams to the one who would make him drop to his knees.

Indeed, she looked terrible but her best as well. A woman in love is like a flower, blooming and becoming more and more beautiful as it deepens. Nevertheless, she wanted to be free of all of that pain that love bought her, to be free of him. But the more she struggled against it all of those chains, the more she liked to be held by him.

After all of this discerning, it all went down. For nights, she dreamt of him reaching for her in pain, saving her from everything, from the blood which bathed her soul and endless damnation. If god did really exist, he bought them together to become unrestricted, open, human. And yet, this madness had become their own sins and virtues to carry.

She dropped to her knees, begging to some higher existence to aid her in her distress. Bringing her hands to her chest, she clung to her heart as if the beatings went too fast, almost fearing death. She felt a net cramping her whole and smashing her life made of glass everywhere, freeing her from her shell, from the walls she once rose to protect the feeling she had been so ashamed to carry.

Like a doll with no will or determination at all, Rey kept asking over and over in her head why such thing had happened, why reason had left her and why she felt so helpless.

Ashamed.

Looking back up at the table, the dim light bought to her statue the horrors of the shadows, the eyes with no orbs almost fixed on her red face; a judge on her thoughts and actions.

The waves calmed down and she rose, meeting the face she had sculpted. Rey felt as a foolish girl, a teen in love. And yet, she dared to hope. Wiping her tears, she looked at his lips, wishing someday to taste the pleasure of him.

Acceptance: the same thing she had done with her past, she did to her future.

The days went slowly through to her, a self-indulging decadence surrounding her and capturing her. She longed for the days of his classes, to see him and his face. These were the moments where she let herself go, taking mental notes of every freckle and mole, of his eye shape, of his plump lips.

‘ _This is my destiny. This is it.’_   

And nothing ever made more sense. If to deepen love, one had to suffer, she chose the darkest path and let fire consume her.

Ren, on the other hand, felt now freer. Even though he currently smoked two packs a day and drank twice the coffee, the burden of carrying his feelings towards her had come to almost cease, never challenging himself over seeing her by the corner of his eye. He kept a straight pose, stiff almost, whenever he stood next to her and melted whenever he took her works in his hands.

A word or two was all they spoke during one class, him almost of the times trying to correct or tip anything to improve. Sketches would be the main goal for the season and the next would come to try and sculpt soft materials, just like soap or clay.  And in this, he was sure, she would triumph and shine like the little star she was.

The dreams, however did not stop.

Kylo would wake up in the morning with such hung over face he almost seemed sick to others. He didn’t cared though. It as pleasant to wake with so much better memories than before, with new things to sketch. Men were made to be frivolous. That can be somewhat sad even with two heads.

Rey, nonetheless, did not think of it as funny. Every night, she would see him and wish for peacefulness.

_She saw him from afar standing, wearing a long dark coat, hidden. Like a hallucination, Rey walked up to him, passing through dozens and dozens of people, sometimes smashing and clashing against one another. But she never ever looked away, she kept her eyes fixed on his and didn’t dare to gaze away. Ren kept his attitude, his head low to meet her stare through the crowds, calling. He was too dazzling, she knew, and too dangerous. But somehow, even knowing such facts, she never dared to walk astray. Instead, she walked faster._

_Kylo was all fucked up. He saw her with her hair down, an angel spreading her wings to meet him. She had become her savior and friend, the one who didn’t spoke a word but knew everything about him as if glass._

_‘You’re like water: clean, clear and heaven to my sore throat.’ He heard her think as if she spoke but her lips were sealed._

_He was desirable, too much to bear and keep sanity, and all seemed so easy… so… futile, vain. All she had to do was stand her arm and lay her hands upon his face, his hair, caressing every string as a precious thing. And do what her desires commanded her to._

_It was a vision. Clashing head against head, they both thought it was all a dream. Ren embraced her face and breathing deeply, they tried not to kiss one another. To no avail, they both fail and taken by a strong curiosity, they open their own mouths and taste the sweet flavor that had their humanity._

_Fuck. Biting her lips, he resigned the time she took to take some small breaths and pulled her against him, slowly lowering himself to catch her better and pull her up to meet his jaw, full of bliss._

Suddenly waking up, this time he understood everything. The Epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Im sorry for the delay but i also had my classes starting as well as my birthday.  
> I hope you enjoy and please leave your thoughts on the comment section! Thank you ! <3


	9. Lecherous

**Lecherous:** adjective

  1. given to or characterized by lechery; lustful.



2.erotically suggestive; inciting to lust.

It was a quarter past nine when he awoke. The covers went over his head, hiding the mane of black hair, all curled and messy.

Winter had come and, with him, bought the severe old, the thick rain and the growing desire to procrastinate. _The place I lived on was a bore, a reoccurrence of things that drag themselves over, leading to other replay yet to come._ But he felt glad. It was the only place he ever lived in, this earth and that at least he shared it with Rey.

In his memory he placed her in the highest pedestal of eternal and appealing beauty ever to be witnessed. And, like a mad man, drifted in the thoughts of her.

Ren shrugged, trying to focus on the fact that she was his student. To imagine her again would be immoral of him. And the worse part was the fact that he could not trash or destroy the statue he had made of her. If anyone ever knew, dream even, he had it, his career was over.

And yet, whenever he tried to forget it even with the most mundane of things, something, someone reminded him of her: bliss, euphoria… rapture.

Something suddenly snapped in him, a building desire inside him: a fantasy, a figure, a brainwashing need.

_‘Fuck it, I was always immoral anyways.’_

He sees her in his mind, eyes closed, charming and dazzling. Inviting.

Her face was flushed, red, eyes shining with adoration and her fingers trembling as never before; Bent on her knees before him, head up, gazing into his soul: She was as sweet as honey.

In his dreams, her kissing had been so passionate he couldn’t stop thinking how warm her lips were. Or how amazing she tasted. Or how her arms had been so wrapped up on his neck, her chest sensitively touching his.

In his pants, a sudden desire kicked his groin like a monster, tremendously tenuous. His desire had now become carnal and he couldn’t help to feel more and more addicted to it.

He wanted to taste more, softly touching his cock, the member stiffening as a reply to each plea.  Rey made a dirty smile and approached her hands unto his knees slowly, carefully. He knew she was enjoying each second of it, massaging his legs up and down, knowing he liked the detailed attention she gave to small particularities. Getting up, her hands traveled around his hair, pushing him forward to meet her mouth, never to succeed.

_Teasing now, are we?_

Seating herself on his lap, her ass was the first thing he grabbed unto, the amazing voluptuousness begging a slap as he delivered; a strong moan is heard from her lips, which curl and are bitten at the first try. Humping him, she feels him already hard and unbuttons his pants hurriedly. Rey wanted him, now.

Kylo dragged his hand upon her neck, dominating her completely. She would be ready to obey, like the smart girl she was, but had none of it. She took his cock on her hands, took her panties to the side and slammed it, making it lewd, raw, filthy-

_Ring_

_  
‘Shit!’_

Turning to the side, Ren looked at his phone, the alarm ringing like crazy mentioning that his first class was about in half an hour. Sighing, he made efforts to climb out of the bed and take a shower, dressing up hastily in a white shirt and jeans.  

Slowly processing over the fact that he would have to face her in his first class, he noticed a missed call from Hux, the man whom he had known as a brother. Dealing his number back, Kylo tried to know why he had called in such early hours as it was unusual of him, frustrated.

\- Kylo.

_\- Ren, where have you been lately? Snoke is on my foot and on Phasma’s after you had not appeared once since you moved in. What the fuck dude?_

\- I have been busy… - Kylo sighed, unsatisfied.

_\- Busy!?  Please, we all are. Get your sorry ass down here soon or I swear to God, you will be having a dildo up your ass. Got it?_

\- Yes, yes, go fuck yourself Hux.

_\- You too lady. See you soon, bitch._

\- Whore.

Turning it off, Ren shoved his coat and dragged his materials on his bag, rushing for morning classes.

He felt like shit after the awareness became a haunting. His first class would be with the girl he had just jerked one to, marvelously amazing. Glad that he hadn’t picked a nude image to be sketched, Kylo managed to gulp his immodesty and carry on with the guilt of the stupidity he had done previously. And so on, the class developed smoothly.

Bizarrely, she didn’t hide the glances she showed from time to time derationed to him, her pupils dilated under the strings of feathery eyelashes. So when she purposely stayed behind getting her materials slowly into her purse, he knew something was up.

\- Hum…

Ren looked directly at her while packing the necessary stuff once more.

\- Yes?

\- I… - Rey swallowed hard. – I went to a museum last weekend… It had one of your artworks exposed.

Now this made Kylo stop on his tracks. If there was something important to be mentioned and to be referred, certainly it had to do with art. And to his own, none the less! There shouldn’t be anything to feel nervous about, but he felt as if the world was about to crash down on his shoulders.

\- Did you like it? – He said, trying to express the slickest smile glued on his face.

She didn’t knew how to say what she thought without sounding too harsh or too horrid. It occurred to her how maybe it was best not to have spoken at all, regretting the thought a second later for she was always honest and direct.

  - Your work... well… huh… it’s... too vulgar. - Ren raised an eyebrow- Not in an esthetic way but... as of feeling.

Dropping a pensil to the floor, Kylo didn’t try to hide his feelings with a cheap smile any longer. Instead, he heard her carefully and made sure each word echoed in his brain.

\- You look at a Rodin’s or.... or a Bernini! And you see that serene emotion. Or that blunt madness! However...yours are just pure blank, emptiness. There are artworks where you feel so lost deep on them you might want to choke or kiss… I might be totally wrong on this, but you keep reminding me of someone who doesn’t look like it’s lived a very long life, who doesn’t know what a face of amazing ecstasy or bliss is… And you may say I am wrong, and I am probably, but at the same time you don’t know how to recognize them; to apply them. You remind me of Michelangelo and David, always in an uncomfortable pose but with the most composed face you -

  - I know. - Ren snapped. - But some people... some men can’t have the luxury to express themselves as they want to! - He spoke, looking at those mesmerizing eyes that he so wanted to draw and was forbidden to.

  - Then what is art if not that?

  Rey looked at Kylo in a pitiful way. It made him angry and bitter but he knew she didn’t meant to offend. Especially because she didn’t knew that his head was like a board, filled of small post it’s about her.

  - Art... is everything. Even feelings or thoughts... even the most horrid ones, either you want to slaughter someone or caress them. That’s why you wear it as a weapon: to represent your deepest secrets. - Kylo turned from her and tried to remain calm, thinking that this was the most delusional thing that made sense.

After a long period of silence, she tried to break and apologize, only to be interrupted by him.

  - Do you know what else is art? - He whispered softly. Rey shake her head in a no.

  - You.

And dragging her to the wall he was facing, Kylo promptly swiped his tong against her lips, biting and sucking her neck after. He didnt think on anything but her soft skin and daren’t question why she didn’t pull back.

Instead, he slammed everything he had on his desk and grabbing her tights, he pulls her in the air, landing her ass on the table. She folded her legs on him, grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull him closer and closer.

But as soon as realization came, it all went away: what were they doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUH!  
> This was probably the hardest chapter to write until now... From the adjectives, to the descriptions... Gosh! Forgive me for any mistake, i was really trying hard on this one. ( this is also why it took me this much time. I dont know how many times I've re-written this... )  
> Well i hope you enjoy as always and thank you for reading! ;)


	10. Pristine

**Pristine:** adjective

  1. Having its original purity; uncorrupted or unsullied.
  2. The earliest period or state;



 

_I never wished too many things in life, I knew I’d never have them. So when people asked me what my dreams were, they were surprised to meet with something really simple. While other children wanted to be astronauts or actors, models or singers... All I ever wanted was to have a home._

‘I don’t want much, really. I want to get a job, a good one, so I can go home and have a nice warm meal. _'_

_Pft… My teacher's face is something I’ll never forget. It’s not something one forgets anyways, when you are true to yourself and open one of your locks to another human being. That day, it had been her, Miss Elizabeth. The shock on her face and how she promptly passed on to another student made me feel somewhat ashamed for a while, and whenever someone asked me to go and play games on my house or dolls, I would always reply we were too busy, me and my family._

_Needless to say, I had none._

_I don’t need pity in my life. By that time, I had had enough of it. I required no feelings, no pain. I recall questioning if a kid should ever think on such dark matters, those of where to sleep or if they’d have something to eat each time they arrived to the place they called home. Most of who I met worried over not having the new toy or get home in time to see their favorite show. Nonetheless, I was too mortified to even end my own life, as disgraceful as it is. I felt that I really had something waiting for me, maybe my own family who dropped me in this hell hole of life that mine is. And why shouldn’t I believe so if everyone has a household? Was it wrong to hold on something non-existential after all?_

_Then, I met you._

_I should have stopped, to be precise. I should've known you were danger, I should've gotten away. But the moment I felt you, the moment I saw you... I knew everything was not in vain. I’m no longer ashamed of who I was or what I used to be, of who I am! Like magic or destiny, I distinguished every step I gave in my life, every single misfortune I had, so that I could meet you. Happiness is only felt after all when you know the meaning of sadness. Maybe we all need tears once in a while so we can see clear afterwards… And I needed it entirely so I could have seen you properly … To have met you._

_I love you._

_I love you, I love you, I love you. How many times do I have to repeat these words on my head to make sense? I’m not in a dream, but it feels like one, needing to have you near. I feel actually deserving of your touch! God, I want you so, I want you so much it pains my heart each minute you’re away, each time I have to say good bye and look you walk from my sight. I wish you'd never go, I wish I could be walking beside you every day... No, to walk behind you is enough. Even to look at distance, is enough. For I know I am trash, I was and am and always will be trash. But even trash… You make me feel like someone, a person who has a choice._

_And I have a choice.  This is why I am on your desk, making my tongue go through your lips like I never did before and stroking your hair as a holy possession; to be here listening to your gasps and smiling to myself internally, grateful to the universe for bringing me back to you._

_Never once I thought my dreams were real. But they we’re. They are. You’re real. I see you as you are. I love you as you are._

_Can you see me? Can you really_ see _me?_

  - What is your name?

  - Rey.

 

_Rey. My name._

_I never wished too many things in life, I knew I’d never have them. So when people asked me what my dreams were, they were surprised to meet with something really simple. I’d say that my biggest wish was to have_ you _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (My god, its so late in the night here but i made it! ) This is a small 'update', and i seriously wish i could've had written more but it felt too pushed as i wrote more and more. So I decided to deliever it as a stand alone.  
> Ill probably add another chapter soon since this is reaaally small.  
> Thank you for reading as always!


	11. Crestfallen Eloquence

**Crestfallen:** adjective

  1. Dejected; dispirited; discouraged; depressed.
  2. Having a drooping head.



**Eloquence:** noun

  1. The art of using language with fluency and rightness.
  2. Eloquent language or discourse: a flow of eloquence.



 

Rey felt him slowly stopping, stepping away from her, from her lips. _No, come back,_ she thought violently, terribly. She craved to speak but felt too pressured by the subsequent quietness of him, his eyes searching for hers that sensitively opened.

It had been only one kiss but it was plentiful to make her dizzy.

She was a dreadful mess, her buns undone from his hands that had once grope her head like no tomorrow, ardently. Her lips were of a dark red, swollen and shiny from the tongue that had run through them a second ago. Beholding each other for some couple of instants, each contemplated their doing in each way; from Kylo thinking of how mad it was and Rey thinking how right this was: They both fell right into their own darkness. 

\- _Shit._ \- Kylo muttered nearly silently under his breath.

Gradually placing her down from his desk, Kylo turnt hastily and took his shirt from his pants, covering his dick that threatened to tear his pants at any moment. This was something he didn’t want her to see specifically and made effort hide.

He felt somewhat disgusted at himself, corrupting her essence by merely corresponding with his body. This was so much more and yet all he did was this.

\- Turn around, please...- he overheard her in the sweetest voice possible. Rey had a strong voice but this was heavenly, musical. This was way too soft, he thought. He had to look self-possessed when everything he wanted was the exact opposite, to undo her and to throw her off her high pedestal. Next to him, she was the saint and he was the fallen.

Slightly giving a step away, he detained himself as best as he could to face her.

It hurt seeing her like that. It was as if she was on her knees, trying to pick up lost pieces of some broken glass and putting it together, bleeding and crying after the realization it wouldn’t ever be possible. Women shouldn't be on their knees like that, not if they don’t want to. Alas, if they do, lucky is the man that has the power to make them wish so. This, however, wasn't the best occasion.

Ren carefully looked at her, the red skin of her cheeks, the watery eyes that examined him, the parted lips that still rushed to catch every breath. The chest that rose, delicately.

Who was she, truly?

For some time now he wished to die; to have died in his birth, making a lot of his parent's lives easier; to be reborn as someone else, someone new without his depravities. But now, something shifted. Something snapped, something broke in his mind and he couldn't understand how in so little time he had changed, how in just an action he had envisioned everything he did up until this page of his book. Dread. Fear. He now was frightened to die, not knowing if in his next life she would still be there, close to him. How Lady Fortune would play her theatre...

Like a moment of lucidity in his troubled mind, he saw how magnificent she was and to be familiar with the small chance of her not having met him made him petrified.

With so many people dying wishing to live, it’s sad to see people living wishing to die.

_If we hadn’t met, I would be wondering in someplace at 3 am not understanding why something in me was missing or why did I feel empty. Probably wouldn't know many things but I would know that the feeling I had was called void._

\- Kylo, please!

Rey wasn’t the type of begging, never. She would never ever supplicate for something, being it food, water,... People. Time. But something inside her made her almost throw up the words, some wisdom of personal experience that knew she might remorse after.

\- I can't! - Kylo yelled, as he swallowed the vicious feeling that roamed his throat. - We are not what we want us to be!

He choked in his last words as if a much deeper weight was pressing them. He could not face her, not this time. How could he?

Rey bitted her lip, draining blood, involuntarily.

  - How could you? - Rey replied on a much minor tone. - When I first met you, to some degree something in me shifted, something changed. And I thought it had been my heart, but it was me. All of me! - She took some air. - I believe in you. I have faith in in us!

  - Rey... - he slammed his fist in the wall.

  - No! - Rey roared, fervently. - I want to be free. I want to feel free, from you, from this, from these ... feelings that haunt me. I have seen the depths of hell in my short life, seen things I never,... ever, should have seen.

Kylo slumped against the wall, leaning his head in and trying to stay put. But the more she spoke, the more he had the urge to take her again and kiss her lips and hug her until the sun set.

\- I never thought I’d have good things for myself if not... never wanted much, i never needed much! But as soon as I knew you, I didn’t want to turn back. Every minute with you was worth it all, every nightmare, every misdoing I did in life. If I required to hurt all this time to love you, then I am glad to end up in a depressing mess. And I’ll like every single instant of it just so I can see paradise in your eyes ...

And that was it, that was his cue to turn. Rey had her face red from the tears, he noticed. She had been crying without a sound for long moments.

For a while now, he thought that she was like a statue. But no. She was more human than ever, more than him, more than he could ever be. He understood, however, the painful truth: that this woman shall not and would not become his own visions.

His quietness had become her weapon of death, striking through her heart as a sharp blade that made her drain for abysmal long moments. She called to mind the only time she felt like this, the reminiscences of the yelps she gave as she saw her family go. But this time, she felt as if she had a choice: this time, she would be the one departing and carrying the guilt.

\- I will leave now. - And, cleaning her face, she displayed that first smile, the one he believed was cute and lovable. In this moment and the other, they were just sad lies, he recognized.

He hadn’t found the strength to stop her. He wanted her, since the first time he saw her, nothing in that had changed. But maybe, just maybe... it would be more endurable now to know that he wasn’t alone in this world any longer.

Rey got out of the school as fast as she could. Gathering the rest of her things from her locker, she had forgot that rain had been following her since morning and didn’t even bother to bring an umbrella. No, she didn’t need such thing. Rain would become her best friend as she cried without shame, walking to the deplorable room that she owned. After a shower, she planned in her head, she’d pick an ice cream bowl from the corner store, eat it with melted chocolate, see a romantic movie and bed. Get fat. It’s not as if she was going to regret anything either and certainly no one would mind.

As a result of already being five minutes outside, she looked fairly ludicrous, soaked completely. People in the streets stared at her passing figure, her shoes making a flopping noise each step she took. Nevertheless, this girl didn’t even realize it.

She criticized herself over and over for being thoughtless before, for thinking he would consider her as someone adequate for him. Him, the one who wore classy expensive clothes and had works in every museum! _Hah, a fool! A total fool!_

Clutching her bag onto her chest, she wept and cried, stopping sometimes to breath. It was on one of those small halts that a car stopped next to her, honking once or twice. At first, she didn’t think it was to catch her attention but when she noticed the driver, it was as if her heart fell right into the ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you had a great valentines and carnival!   
> Since my last entry on this fic, i have been writting this chapter and giving it a better vocabulary. I hope it worked really and wish for a greater content. Also i hope you really enjoy! Leave your thoughts on the coment section and what else i can improve on!   
> Thank you and have a great day! :)


	12. Lachesis

**Lachesis:** noun, Classical Mythology.

  1. The Fate who determines the length of the thread of life.



_Ren, what the fuck are you doing?! I’m gonna get your ass RIGHT NOW and I don’t even care if you have fucking classes to give. In fact, I don’t give a fuck about those lil’ shits. I won’t cover up again for you, fuck you. Also, Phasma’s wanting to kick your ass, I think I shall give her the pleasure and deliver it right away… Don’t you dare to fuck up again Ren!_

_Shit._

Kylo felt that once something went bad in his life, then everything crumbled right after.  His hands were on his locks, tightening around his head like a mad man. One way or another, he had ended up on one of the classroom’s corner, seated on the ground staring into the abyss while thinking on her words. He believed without any hesitation that Rey was the better part of himself. If something out of his own humanity ever endured, these feelings he had for her were it. 

_‘’ If I required to hurt all this time to love you, then I am glad to end up in a depressing mess. And I’ll like every single instant of it just so I can see paradise in your eyes ... ‘’_

_Shit. Shit!_

Everything she said was like a yank, a pull down to reality. She didn’t know much about him and yet all she could see was the goodness, the greatness in him; the only free feeling he expressed without no difficulties, no complications, no nothing.

He thought how badly he wanted her and yet she slid right through his fingers, that guiltless girl. It’s as if everything had been devalued, sex had been overpowered, beverage had softened and smoking was less calling. And, ultimately, her purity was still the most addictive.

Raising himself slowly, the dizziness he usually felt after stirring from his nightmares made its impact on his head.

Ren reminded himself how she had once lost her way through the dreams he had. Was that a premonition in anyway? No. He knew beforehand he’d break her and that’s why he dreamt so. That’s why he is in this own dejected world.

 - Hello there, darling!

Rey noticed the voice coming out of the car, gawking at the odd face from the sidewalk. She had been having the worst luck and this was the cherry on the top of the cake.

 The man was clearly not of this part of town (Or at least she’d never seen him before). He didn’t look poor either. He was driving a black Mercedes Benz from 2015 and it stood out through the rain like nothing else did.

 _Uh, riches…_  

His hair was parted sideways, strictly put together with some kind of glossy product. It was from a burning orange, matching the freckles of his pale face and dark circles. The smirk was the most perceptible remark of his face, the perverseness of his green eyes toning marvelously. She, definitely, did not like him.  

\- Oh don’t be frightened now. I’m only looking for the University of Fine Arts around here, care to inform me where it might be?

There. Again. His darkness, his gloom, made her somehow shake but Rey stood her ground. She, after all, knew how to deal with these kinds of people for a long time.

Giving him the coordinates and required indications as hastily as she could, she was stunned when he stood out of the car and presented himself with a large, black umbrella.

He was tall. But not taller than _him_. Something about him was, nevertheless, very peculiar none the less. Even though an indie dark feeling strikingly came through like music in the air, it was really easy for one to be attracted to this type of human. She could understand the fascination but couldn’t help to wanting to walk away.

Wearing a black suit with a matching tie, he was splendidly good-looking but then again too strange to even approach to. That and the red band on his arm with some eerie symbol made people stare even more. Perhaps he worked for some association, however that looked fairly ridiculous.

Rey looked a bit more at it than she should and even dared to make comparisons to the German Nazi’s, regretting it a moment later.

\- As an appreciation of your time. Don’t catch a cold, miss, you certainly don’t need to.

Handling her the umbrella, he left to go behind the wheel with an outstanding wink and a very white smile.

\- Oh before I forget… Here, my card. – He said, handling her some white branded business card. – My name is Hux. If you ever find yourself in need of service, give it a call. Nice meeting you, Rain lady.

Then he drove off, leaving Rey wordless.

Even the card looked expensive. Hell, even the umbrella had the strange marking on the handle! She couldn’t believe it, to be honest, but somehow that had made her stop weeping endlessly and go on her way home on better terms with herself.

 

Ren tripped on some fucked up shit that a student owned as he ran out the door. The time had passed fast enough for him not to notice the rain, caught in his own troubled mind to notice everything around him. Nevertheless, he did notice her running out of the door lacking a jacket or an umbrella or whatever means she possessed to protect herself. Therefore he ran, ran as for his life, to take her to her place at least.

Gathering up his coat, keys and his bag, he stormed through the parking lot and made way to reach her out in time. Today he had worn a stupid jacket, he believed, as it did nothing but absorb all the water that fell from the skies. He’d assumed it matching, though, with the rest of his clothes and didn’t even bother to do a rain check as if he’d come to be in need of it. In fact, he was both a senseless idiot on both matters. First because he chose his clothes prudently for her to notice him, secondly because he assumed that he had pretty much an incredible car and would never, ever, need to do a rain check. Well, too bad for his pride, he thought.

Entering his Audi A5, he fidgeted with the keys at the start. At that juncture he almost run through a dog (poor Billy) as he made a turn.

He didn’t knew where she had gone, what steps she’d made or what portion of town she even lived. But Kylo had this hunch, this feeling that made him feel almost certain what path to walk on and to meet her; A frail thread connected them both, knotted on their fingers and never breakable. So he tailed, for the first time in many years, the fire that fed his being and reached for his real wishes.

In his head, he saw a young Kylo… No, a Ben following after a small girl with a strange hairdo, flowers surrounding her and kneeling to a goddess. He’d admired her audacity for most of it, heading for an infinite path of uncertainty only for him to experience the same outlook as her. The flowers did not bow but smiled as he came across them, rushing him to lead her to her own fortune, her destiny.

Ren drove for at least ten minutes before making sure the vision was in fact real and that she was the one carrying a black umbrella. In truth, he assured himself that those trenched, almost undone, buns were hers. Thus he parked the car on a sidewalk, not caring really what could happen to it, and hastily tried to meet her.

He dressed his coat, the long and inconvenient damp thing calling to people’s senses by its mustard color. Fastening a few buttons, he made himself mentally ready. It was now or never.

Rey stopped in her tracks to look behind her as if she sensed someone following her. By some means, she always had this six-sense type of thing and although she didn’t knew how, she had some answers eagerly offered on her mind without even daring to ask. It had turnt out to be handy in the past, letting her out of several sticky circumstances and thus, without discerning, readily made her look back without an instant thought.

The drench of her shirt had cooled off, giving her shills through her whole body.  Temperature had gone down and instead of the rose cheeks and tan she usually had, was a pale, insipid face. Rey didn’t look like Rey at all in all honesty. She looked like a ghost, an impression of her old existence. Of course Kylo noted this and in addition to the pity he felt for her, he felt rage merely bound at himself.

‘Poor girl, that one will die of heartbreak…’ - A stray commentary of some walking woman who was passing by made them both startled. Certainly it wasn’t for them as she continued speaking through the streets but it made somehow fitting.

She assumed hallucinations had taken over and that this was the cause of the rain as if illness had by this time kicked in. For instants she’d seen him standing in the rain, looking at her with a frown carved on his features. He’d think her miserable, she’d thought, and that made her feel sordid, to a certain extent disgust, and above all loathing towards him. She never enjoyed to be viewed like that, ever, under no circumstances. It made her feel like an insignificant, little thing which she was not. But in this state, this out of world shakiness and light headed presence, Rey didn’t have the strength to protest. In truth she had no strength at all and the last thing she feels are some warm hands stroking her legs and arms after almost licking the ground.

Kylo felt blessed to catch her well enough before she’d wet herself way beyond she had already. With her feathery eyelashes closed, the world felt numb and sad but somehow, a burning sparkle made through her heart.

Ren was a strong man. Or a magician, since he picked her in addition to her umbrella (he didn’t want to be held accountable of more misdoings), looking, to a certain degree, ridiculous as he managed through the footway. Many eyed him like an absurd human, but then again he didn’t notice. He was too absorbed on her, watching the light disappearing gradually from her face. The more he looked at her, the more he hurried to the car. Thankfully, no officer had the luck of finding it parked there and he prayed a small ‘thanks to God’.

Laying her unconscious body on the passenger’s seat, he made sure the seatbelt was well put, made sure she wasn’t going to hurt herself, behaving like a father to his child.

Meanwhile, a ginger boy entered the school’s main hall. It seemed that _Mister Ren was presently away_ , with only an indication that his next class would be on the next Monday.

Leaving with a terrible face, he appreciated the secretary’s work and made efforts to whisper a small thanks.

 _‘ Reeen! You fucking bastard_!’ he cursed under his breath.

Kylo had run again from his grasp, ignored his calls or even his messages. Like always.

Saying he didn’t like him was an understatement. Both of them tried to ignore each other the best they could, avoiding all contact if needed. But this time, the orders came from a superior man. _Snoke_. And they both knew that even if they tried to run, one way or another, they would always be found.

It seemed that Hux was in a very angry mood and not even the girl called Phasma would make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Sorry for the long wait, but i honestly feel like i have no inspiration at all to write. :/ Not only that, sometimes it's even hard to find ways to describe things without sounding too repetitive...   
> I am waiting excited for TLJ and hoping for it to make me '' feel'' more.  
> Meanwhile, i shall go through tumblr and watch beautiful fan art and write a paragraph or two.   
> I made the chapter longer than usual too. Hope you enjoy!


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